For women, it is normal to:
- cry for a few minutes;
- cry because of thoughts, videos, or music;
- then return to a normal state;
- while still working, living, functioning.
It is bad and requires attention if:
- the crying is daily and long-lasting;
- it starts “out of nowhere” and does not let go;
- there is constant low mood, apathy, insomnia;
- interest in life disappears;
- this lasts for weeks and gets worse.
That is why there is no need to try to “fix” normal emotions or suppress them. I will give an example.
Imagine an apartment where you do not live alone, but with someone else.
There are things:
- that you are directly responsible for (your room, your tools, your decisions);
- and there are things that happen in your partner’s part of the apartment, even if the walls are shared.
Tears in this analogy are not an accident and not a breakdown.
It is not a burst pipe and not a short circuit.
It is more like an open window in her room because it became stuffy there.
As you walk by, you notice:
- yes, a draft;
- yes, it is cool;
- yes, it is unpleasant to be nearby.
The automatic mistake is to think that:
- the window opened because of you;
- you must urgently close it;
- if you did not close it, you are a bad neighbor.
In reality:
- she opened the window;
- it is open because it is easier for her this way right now;
- this is temporary;
- this does not destroy the apartment.
Your adequate role:
- to notice that the window is open;
- not to slam it shut without asking;
- not to lecture about why this is the wrong way to ventilate;
- and not to see this as your own failure.
If she says:
“I’m cold, help me close it” — you help.
If she does not say anything — you simply know that this is not an emergency.
Even more precisely:
You are not a foreman who must run around fixing everything that looks uncomfortable.
You are a neighbor who:
- respects that another person has their own modes;
- and does not interpret every discomfort as an emergency.
Why this removes guilt.
Because guilt appears when you consider yourself responsible for the mere fact of discomfort, rather than for real breakdowns.
In this analogy, real “breakdowns” are when:
- windows are open around the clock and rain floods the apartment;
- walls are collapsing;
- living becomes impossible.
Conclusions
- support ≠ eliminating feelings;
- closeness ≠ controlling another person’s state;
- her tears ≠ your mistake.